Joshua Harris, A Former Pastor Who Wrote Relationship Book, Says His Marriage Is Over And He Is No Longer Christian

April 3, 2023

Harris published New Attitude, a magazine aimed at fellow homeschoolers, from 1994 to 1997. He received no formal seminary or theological training until 2015, when he attended Regent College, Vancouver, B.C. Harris married Shannon Hendrickson in 1998. His brothers, twins Alex and Brett, authored The Rebelution (rebelution is a neologism defined by its creators as “a teenage rebellion against low expectations). Interesting idea and understandable concepts if you are in high school and college. I really think that people could benefit from the idea. I know a lot of people hate this book now, but I don’t.

(He also may not. Parents can do everything right and a child still just walks away sometimes. That happens to God all the time.) This is a good opportunity to talk about that so people can learn from others’ mistakes. Now, 22 years after “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” came out, Harris is leaving his wife and his faith. It would seem a bit like major whiplash if you don’t know much about legalism, the homeschooling and evangelical subcultures, or Harris’s trajectory since his bestseller. But, after a bit of reflection, it’s sadly not that surprising at all. A few months ago, Harris released a documentary entitled “I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” in which he meets with readers impacted by his book.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance by Josh

Meaning the sexist ideology that so many women say made them feel self-hatred and shame about their bodies will continue to be served up right after science class. In November, Harris released a documentary titled ‘I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye,’ which features women and men talking about how the book affected them. But by then, not everyone was buying what he was selling . The secular media was receptive, painting him as contrite and searching.

Only made a splash because it was written by a young, attractive male who claimed to have quit dating for good. Don’t listen to me, though, read it for yourself and make up your own mind- unlike the author would have you do. In concurrence with Harris’ ideas, many of our parents, with the best intentions, told us pubescent, hormonal Christians that we should wait for “God to bring the right one”; that “God has designed someone just for you”. Harris has taken this idea and designed a dating paradigm that fosters to it, gearing up singles to pursue only that one, special, unique someone that God has made just for them.

Reorder your romantic life in the light of God’s Word and find more fulfillment than a date could ever give – a life of sincere love, true purity and purposeful singlness. Samantha and Emily helped start the #IKDGStories hashtag in part to ensure that Harris would not control the women’s narratives. Using the hashtag, women shared stories of waiting indefinitely for a husband to materialize, spending years lonely and riddled with guilt if they masturbated, or blaming themselves for their sexual abuse. Harris asked for permission to use some of the stories on his website and his documentary, but Samantha and Emily, at least, were suspicious of Harris’s true motivations. In the documentary, Harris talks with readers from across the world about how the purity movement negatively affected them in their adult lives. Harris also filmed a documentary in which he confronts the people whose sexuality, body image, and relationships were negatively affected by his book.

Lady A’s Hillary Scott honored by Grammy nomination for Christian song: ‘World needs this message’

I now think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner. Joshua Harris was born in 1974, the first child of Gregg and Sono Harris. His parents were pioneers in the Christian homeschooling movement which was only in its infancy while Josh and his siblings were growing up. Gregg’s book The Christian Home School was a foundational text for homeschoolers and a Christian Booksellers Association bestselling title in 1988. “Now, as a dad to three teenagers, I think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner,” he wrote in USA TODAY. In his post Friday, Harris said he had “undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus.”

If the processing is for direct marketing purposes, you may exercise this right at any time as described above. If the processing is for other purposes, you have the right to object only if there are reasons arising from your particular situation. The advertising mailings are provided within the scope of Twoo app processing on our behalf by a service provider to whom we pass on your data for this purpose. You can object to the storage and use of your data for these purposes at any time by sending a message to the contact option described below. Will usually post within 1 business day of receiving cleared payment.

My experience was circumstances coming, just stomping the hell out of my Lego castle. Just my own failure and things falling apart and relationships being broken. And I’m just trying to pick up the pieces, but I don’t want anybody telling me, You’ve got to build back the castle exactly like this. I’m just like, Please leave me alone and let me try to figure some of these things out, because the way that I’ve been living has not led to life and expansion and love, it’s led to a narrower and narrower controlling, fearful outlook. And I know that doesn’t represent all Christians, but it represented the brand of Christianity that completely shaped me for so long.

Results from Google Books

He says now that he owes it to his readers to go back and rethink his conclusions. I would agree with that, though for many of us, it feels like it’s too late, that the damage has already been done. We skipped an important developmental step along the way, missed out on marriage, and for some of us, it’s too late to have children, too. That’s not something a kickstarted documentary about the evolution of his dating theology can somehow resolve for us. But I also know the damaging effect that kind of thinking had on many of the young men my age – and on young women.

Copies of the 1997 bestseller “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and its sequel, “Boy Meets Girl” probably still sit on the shelf at my parents’ home. Along with, it seemed, all the other homeschooled teens at that time, I read them, and our parents and churches encouraged it. Instead, Harris simply apologized for the prescriptive rules of his book, failing to acknowledge the damaging legacy of purity culture. There is little representation for those, like myself, who find ourselves decades later, unpacking the trauma that his book and purity culture inflicted upon us.

Was a huge book, had so much cultural influence among Christians and so on. But he drove up to just sit in so that we could grab lunch together. And it’s just so funny to look back on this and think about this. Because I was in this really conservative…The truth be told, I was concerned for Don.